Yes... I missed my blog. So I came back to visit and it just urged me to write something here. I dont know but it does feel different to blog at two places. I think not much people will check back on this blog unless i notify... but its ok...my purpose is just to blog... and thus, I'll just take this as a private place to blog.

I just read her blog... it hurts to see her like that... reading on, tears just flowed.  The more I read on, the more I feel tiny.small.little. A simple girl like her can be so determined in her love, although its in this kinda state now. How much she cherished it, the way she thinks, her determination, her trust... her love. She just never rarely feels and acts like how i do... now. Although she lacks confidence too... but, i guess i've failed my own. Now she's advising me with the words i used to tell her. Hey, thats so not right isnt it?

Anyway. Just crapping. Listening to emo songs, that i love... i miss the carefree days... all this while, I just wanna lead a simple, ordinary life. I dont really know how to handle "publicity" and people... why? I like to just do the things i like with the person i love, just the two of us, none other. I believe as long as we I enjoy the things i am doing, i'll enjoy my life =)

Somehow, sometimes, things just wont go the way you want them to.

Mummy is VERY worried, i know she is... but the more she is, the more she talks about it, the more i feel bad. I know how it feels to be worried about someone you love... wonder if something bad will happen to him/her. Yet, you can't be there, and you can't do anything. Mummy is stating something which is almost impossible, but well... it's just... not gonna happen ok? and...IF really something is meant to happen, I would still have to face it on my own...

The few nights before, i jsut had bad dreams. Hopefully it isnt a sign or sumthing.  It didnt feel good at all. All i felt was fear... and lonliness... and more FEAR. Sigh.

Down? No, I shouldnt be.

Siia is always... happy go lucky... "friendly, bubbly, full of laughter and cheeky" were what people used to describe me.  Now? I dont really know. I really dont.

Sometimes I really hope to be the one to wipe away your tears... it just seem so hard to be there for you when you needed somebody MOST.

I just... dont wanna miss a thing.

Started my day with a smile...went to college, Ms Hema was late but well~ We did our statistics and then went for lunch break. Went to mamak, ate and then chao. Went back to class, as usual, i sat alone back there... and the rest started to fill the room with laughter. I wanted to keep on sms-ing but sumhow... i have a feeling i shouldnt. So i laid on my bag, while looking at the others... Everyone is smiling, laughing and fooling around. Days seem to be so happy. Why arent mine? I mean... yes, i am happy, when i'm with someone*, doing things i like, which usually with my close frens...and him.Sometimes i find it hard for me to fit in... So i decide to just stay back... Then mayxim came over and told me about the renting thingy, said that it wud be dangerous if i were to go home alone and all at night... etc. Sigh. First thing that came to my mind was him. It just happens everytime i am told of anything, no matter what... first thing that comes into mind will be him. When i was told bout it, i was sad! =.=" just because the thought that if i were to rent a place there, i wont be coming back as often, maybe only during my "normal" shifts and only on my off days. But that's ok too right? I only stay there if i happen to have night shifts. I'll consider bout it when i get to know the details. Lets just hope for the best. I guess i still cant get my hands off the phone.  
- I dont want anything to change between us... I really dont. Those words dont come by easily... and it doesnt go easily as well. I don't wanna be "scary"... I don't wanna be the bad. I wanna change those facts but will things change between us before I am able to mend those wounds? I know I can't turn back time. Every step i take now is crucial. Very. I don't wanna lose anything... I wanna show him that I am not as what he said yesterday, and i shall STOP making him feel that way. It sucks to be me  feel the way i do. I've found my way... my light. He is my light, my reason, my motivation. I am changing, not drastically but i could feel it myself, as in not thinking the bad first, but think of how to mend things and make things better. So I AM gonna make things better. No matter what it takes, i'll not stop trying... till i get it right. Trust me, I can... I will...one day.-

*I guess he is more than just someone important in my life now... Can't you see I'm addicted to YOU?

Ms Hema came in the second time and we were given 40 minutes to complete 6 tutotrial questions... for 1mark. Then 5 minutes break - 5 more questions! omg~~but well... i completed them in anyways... hands were shaking. That reminds me back when i was in high school, when we had to do our Cik Sher's notes. Aww... i kinda miss her now. Biology is the best =P! But though she was damn strict but thats how we learn. So after tutorial, i accompanied moo to the career centre. Hopefully things will work out as we planned. on the way up, we saw Chef Patrick. He waved over at me and *hand signals* (thank you) I replied with a thumbs up sign... and he replied with a HUGE smile and *thumbs up*
So off we went to the career centre. I waited for him outside, glad to see him come out with a smile. though everything is still on hang now, but at least Ms.Melissa will give it a try for him. *fingers crossed*.

Oh well, i went to change my Tee, and met *them* along the way. I saw her very angry and him holding her file when she keep wanting to snatch it back from him. She told me that this guy actually apologized to another girl cz he was asleep when the person smsed him; I guess what made her SO mad was the fact that she was trying to get him, sms and calls but didnt recieve any replies. That already has made her angry i guess and the fact that she saw that sms when she "checked" through his phone.She then grabbed the phone out from his pocket and showed the message to us ( me n moo ). Ok.. i went like "..." Then we tried not to get anyone involved in that, when janet arrived, we all left... and i headed to the annexe. I just hope that they will get everything "cleared up". Yes i agree that Communication between 2 couples are extremely important, no matter how far or near they are... but i guess sometimes we just need to know when too much is... too much. Every couples are different...so please, never make comparisons~ Every person is different.

I saw Justin there sitting at the annexe so i asked if they were already there. Sat there till Alvin came and then we went to the Auditorium. Man! That's like... so many people in the auditorium (not many la... but... alot... compared to yesterday...=.=") and there were 3 guys rapping and singing on stage. We took a seat and then we realised they were "auditioning" for the LOFT's performance. I went like. "wow, i didnt know we gotta audition to perform there." Kerry told me that they are gonna audition on friday so phew... luckily i;m not involved. We then adjurned to the classroom opposite where we were then joined by TCSJ's dancers. Got some steps and trying to get em right... Time flies. Hope that everyone can be here tomorrow... and really practice. Went home and now i'm blogging. thinking about tonight i have to study accounts ... somehow just turns me OFF. Still thinking whether i should go for english class tomorrow or not. =P They said she aint teaching... practically just GO to the classroom and sit there... for like~ 2 hours? >.<"

Anyway. i think i really gotta pump up and get my arse on the books... ERGH.

Study~ Nerdy~ Feli~

*noooo~ that doesnt sound ... right.-at all.*